The Smart Off
by SouthParkFan8
Summary: A new girl comes to town, and she's the new smartest student in South Park Middle School! Kyle and the new girl have a go at it to see who's the smartest! BTW, they are in the 7th grade! T for cursing. OC Plz read even if u dont lyk OC's, I tink its funny


**Hi! I'm sorry that I haven't been writing mah story The Cyberbully, it's just that I've been having little blocks! Everyone gets them, so don't blame me! So I've come up with a new one-shot to entertain mah fans :)**

"You guys!"

"What is it, Stan?"

"I heard there's this new girl here! I just saw her! She almost looks exatly like you, Kyle!"

"Really?"

"Oh!" Cartman said with smug,"I've _got_ to see this chick!"

Stan turned around sharply,"There she is!"

Everyone turned to catch a glimpse of this new girl. Stan _was_ right, She almost looked _exactly_ like me! We stared in amazment at this girl who was walking down the hallway greeting 'Hi!' to every kid and teacher she passed by. She had a ushanka just like mine, only it was a rich orange, with a chunk of red velvet, curly hair similar to mine sticking out of the side. Her gloves and collar were also orange along with her pants. Her jacket was the same green color as my hat with the pockets in the same place.

"That's her?" Cartman asked as she approached us.

You could immedietly tell that she was confident by her facial expression and stance.

"Hi, boys!"

I couldn't believe it! Her voice sounded like mine! But with a more... feminine touch... It was like she was an exact replica of me, only a _girl _version!

"My name is Ashley, Ashley Lovbrofski."

We looked at each other in surprise until Stan finally said,"Uh, hi. My name is Stan Marsh."

"*snicker*And I'm Eric *snicker* Cartman."

Kenny muffled through his hoodie. "I'm Kenny McCormick."

I was too shocked about the girl, that I didn't know what to say.

"Um, is something wrong with him?" questioned the girl.

"Yeah,"Stan answered,"just give me a sec."

Stan then elbowed me really hard that it cramped up my arm.

"Ow! What the fu- oh, and, um, I'm Kyle Broflovski."

"Well, it was nice meeting you guys, later."

She started walking towards our classroom, but stopped to turn around.

"Oh, by the way, Kyle; love your outfit." and ended it with a wink.

Cartman turned to me and started laughing like when he saw that little person in the school assembly in the fourth grade.

Stan and Kenny also turned to face me as Stan said,"What happened, Kyle?"

"I don't know..."

_RRRIIIINNNGGG! RRRIIIINNNGGG! RRRIIIINNNGGG!_

"Well, let's get to class before Ms. Williams gives us detention again."

...

As we walked into the classroom, we saw Ashley reading a book while sitting in what was apparently her new seat which was right next to... _mine?_

"Oh, hi, guys!"

We all responded with a polite Hi, Ashl-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Cartman started laughing like a stupid bastard again. We turned to find Cartman on the floor going beserk.

"Cartman," shouted Stan, "shut the fuck up!"

But he still kept chortling like an idiot while Ashley was giving him a confused look. Kenny walked up to him and kicked him in the shin.

"Ow! What the fuck, Kenny?"

No one else could understand what Kenny said anyways, plus the teacher wasn't in the classroom, so it didn't matter.

"Shut the fuck up, Cartman, or i'll kick you in the nuts!"

"Fine, go ahead! See if I care!"

And sure enough, Kenny kicked Cartman in the balls. Then Ashley started laughing while Cartman held his crotch and walked cautiously to his desk.

"Son.. of a... bitch,... Kenny..."

Ashley then continued to laugh even more along with the rest of us.

"Shut up... you.. stupid... bitch!... Ugh, God!..."

The rest of us then sat at our desks.

"Don't worry about him," I assured her,"he's always acting like a dick."

"Oh, that's okay." She responded politely."In fact, I have a friend that's exactly like him."

Cartman said painfully,"Really? What's her name?"

"Well, the funny thing is, her name is Erica!"

We all said "Wow!" in amazment.

Kenny muffled,"Do you have any other friends that are like us?"

"Oh, yeah! Well, first there's Erica, the fat brunette racist one. Then Stacy, the raven-haired somewhat animal lover who's best friend is me, the smart Jewish one that has _crazy_ red hair, that's why I always wear my beloved orange ushanka. And there's Kendall, the blondie that's into sex, drugs, and partying and has an expanded volume of slang vocabulary, although she's quite poor..."

"Damn!" Stan exclaimed,"you've just described all of us!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"That's... kinda weird,... but pretty awesome!"

_RRRIIIINNNGGG! RRRIIIINNNGGG! RRRIIIINNNGGG!_

The rest of the class then flooded in and sat down at their seats as the somewhat strict raven haired teacher with thin, silver glasses walked in.

"Good morning, class. Now today we have a new student joining our class. Her name is Ashley Lovbrofski. Why don't you come up here, Ashley?"

"Glad to!" She walked up to the front of the classroom and turned around to face the rest of the class.

"Tell us about yourself, Ashley."  
>"Well, okay! I recently moved to this wonderful town all the way from Phoenix, Arizona! And-"<p>

"Phoenix, Arizona?"

"Is there a problem, boys?", Ms. Williams questioned as she gave us a stern glare.

"No, Ma'am."

As Ashley kept informing us about herself, we had a conversation amongest ourselves with Cartman starting.

"Damn, she's all the way from Arizona? It's hot as hell out there!"  
>"I know," I answered,"you'd think she'd be shivering and freezing her ass off here in South Park!"<p>

"Boys, pay attention!" Ms. Williams shouted.

We got startled at quickly turned back around."Yes, Ms. Williams..."

Ms. Williams pointed out one last interesting fact out to the class.

"Ms. Lovbrofski here was awarded the most intelligent student in her other school for 6 years in a row!"

Lots of 'Wow!'s and 'Cool!'s floated around the classroom as my short temper started acting up again. God, I hated how much my temper shortened out over the summer!

Anger due to jealousy was growing inside of me, I could just feel my heart pounding and my blood rushing through my veins.

_* No one is smarter than me! Especially a _girl_! Is that even possible?...*_

My blood was at its boiling point and my heart was at its limit. I couldn't take it anymore! No one is more intelligent in the 7th grade then me! I stood up from my desk and asserted,"So? Who cares? I've been the most intelligent student since the first grade!"

"Kyle Broflovski, sit down right now or I'm going to ca-"

"No, it's okay Ms. Williams. I'll handle it." Ashley then turned away from the teacher and started to take steps towards me.

"What's the matter, Kyle? Are you agaped to know that someone is finally smarter than you? Outstandingly if it's a _girl_?"

"How did you know tha-"

"That's how smart I am, Kyle. I have my ways, you have yours."

_*I did _not_ expect that...*_

"Well, I already knew more than you have now 2 years ago!"

_*What kind of comeback is _that_?...*_

"Oh? Well why don't we just see? You and me, after school, in the field. Be there."

_*Whoa, so the bitch has _two_ side...*_

She lowered her shoulders and twisted around. "Thank you, Ms. Williams." Twisted back around and walked right past me to her desk.

"For what?"

The mysterious girl then sat down, interlocked her hands, and turned to me while raising her thin eyebrows. "For letting me handle the _problem_."

_*Grrrrrr, don't worry, Kyle, you'll get her after school, just wait and see...*_

...

As I walked out of my last class with Stan and Kenny getting ready to face Ashley in the school's playing field. I couldn't believe it, she was in each and everyone of my classes _including_ Advanced Language Arts and Pre-Algebra. And along with every class, each question the teacher asked, just like that, _BANG! _her arm would shoot up like a rocket into the air ready to answer just before mine. I was actually starting to worry that I was going to lose to her.

_RRRIIIINNNGGG! RRRIIIINNNGGG! RRRIIIINNNGGG!_

As the last bell rang, beads of sweat rolled down the side of my face. I was anxious and jittery. If I lost to a _girl_... boy, I'd regret it for the rest of life.

Stan, Cartman, Kenny and I walked down the hallway and arrived at the door. I found a colorful paper taped to the school's doors that said:

_Broflovski VS. Lovbrofski_

_Who's the smartest 7th grader in South Park Middle School?_

_Who's going to win?_

_Find out right after school in..._

_**THE SMART-OFF!**_

_Located in the school's field._

I ripped the paper off of the door and showed it to Cartman.

"Cartman, what the hell is this?"

"A poster."

"Why did you make this poster?'

"How do you know if I made it or not?"

"Because your name is in the corner, dumb-ass."

"Well, I had time in homeroom and just _had_ to make it!"

I went up to him and punched his arm then taped the poster to his face.

He ripped off the poster. "Ow! What the fuck was that for, Kahl?"

"Well, I had the time and I just _had_ to punch you!"

Stan and Kenny started laughing.

"Aye! Shut up!"

As I pushed open the cold door to have a rush of wind followed by fragments of snow hitting our faces, Stan was talking to me with confidence.

"Alright, Kyle, you can do this! You _know_ that you're smarter than a frilly girl!" Stan was always good with pep talks.

Altough _Cartman_ on the other hand...

"You're gonna lose! You're gonna lose! Nana nana na na! Hehe hehe he he!"

...would always brag and gloat. That is until I would punch him.

"Ah! Fuck, Kahl! Stop punching mah arm!" I loved punching him ever since I got my growth spurt over the summer and 'buffed up' while Cartman stayed the same with his fat figure.

"Don't worry about Fat-boy," Kenny muffled,"you can do this!" and patted my back.

"Aye! I'm not fat! I'm just super buff!"

I whispered to Stan,"_That's_ a new one."

As we approached the field, we saw all of the other 7th graders formed in a circle with a gap left to walk through. We saw Ashley with determination written all over her face with who was apparently Stacy, for the fact that she looked a lot like Stan, patting her shoulder. Ashley finally caught me with her green eyes and gave me an sly smirk. As we walked into the group, the gap behind me then closed up. Ashley then started walking up to me.

Stan then reassured me once more,"You can do it, Kyle. I _know_ you can." He patted my back and backed out of the middle of the circle as Ashley started coming closer to me.

"So, Broflovski. You ready to get schooled?"

"Question is, are you?"

"Ha ha ha, very witty, Broflovski. Now let's do this. Here's how it's gonna go, i'll start with a question and you answer it. If you _are_ correct, I'll ask you another question, if _not_, then you lose. Got that? Great. This is gonna go by pretty fast, Broflovski, so I suggest that you stay on your toes. Alright?"

I took a second to process everything in my mind since she was running her mouth a mile a minute.

"Fine by me."

"Alright, let's do this."

The crowd leaned in closer as she straightened herself up and took in a deep breath.

"What are the first 10 numbers to pi?"  
>"3.1415926535"<br>"What is 123,456 divided by 2?"  
>"61,728."<br>"What is the first book Shakespeare wrote?"  
>"Pssh, Romeo and Juliet."<br>"Easy one, Broflovski. What are the seven wonders of the ancient world?"  
>I took in a deep breath and rushed out,"Lighthouse of Alexandria, Colossus at Rhodes, Tomb of Maussollos at Halicarnassus<strong>, <strong>Statue of Zeus at Olympia, Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, and the Great Pyramid of Giza."  
>"What is the longest word in the English dictionary tha-"<p>

"Ooo, very good, Broflovski, but I meant 'What is the longest word in then English dictionary _that's spelled alphabetically correct_?'"  
>"Aegilops."<br>"Hmmm, what is the shortest word in the English dictionary that contains all five vowels?"  
>"Eunoia."<br>"What was the Boston Tea Party?"  
>"The Boston Tea Party was when the British Colony of Massachusetts protested against the Britsh Government and the East India Company by throwing three shiploads of taxed tea overboard into the Boston Harbor."<br>"Oh, so you're smarter than you look. Well, what are the Three Wise Monkeys' names?"  
>"In English, Mizaru, Mikazaru, Mazaru also known as Mizaru, Kikazaru, Iwazaru, and the hidden fourth one, Shizaru."<br>"Who, when and where was the potato chip invented?"  
>"George Crum; August 24, 1883; Saratoga Springs, New York."<br>"Up to how long can a snail sleep?"  
>"3 years"<br>"How fast is the speed of light?"  
>"670,616,629 miles per hour."<br>"Who invented E-mails?"  
>"Ray Tomlinson"<br>"What was the first soda invented?"  
>"Ginger Ale. In a major company, Dr. Pepper."<br>"Tie?"  
>"Tie."<br>"Do you want to make out with me as much as I want to with you, Broflovski?"  
>"You bet your ass I do, Lovbrofski."<p>

So we took a stepup to each other and kissed like I never had before. Kids were gasping, oooing, ahhing, and totally shocked. After a minute into the intense kissing I realized that her lips were soft, voluptuous, and tasted like spearmint. No one knows, but...

I _love_ spearmint...

at least...

_now_ I do.

**Okay, so possibly tomorrow, I will add a optional chapter, which will be for other people who want to read a some-what conclusion. Thanks! Add me to your faves!**


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